This marks the second edition in my “Weird Tales of the Internet” and this comes courtesy of Tufts University professor Jonathan Garlick, breaking it down with “Stem Cell Rap” from Youtube. Now admittedly I found this because I’m avid watcher of G4/TechTV and especially Attack of the Show, but because it’s yet to really become an internet phenomenon, Garlick could use a bit of push into celebrity. While admittedly stem cell research is controversial and, at best, a tad boring, it’s admirable that Garlick (whose rap name is Dr. Jonny Cool J, and admits that he’s been rapping ince the 1980s) decided to try and appeal to younger audiences by literally “breaking it down”. And it’s an instant classic! What with a line such as “I try so hard to treat disease, my brain explodes with stem cell ideas, if you come to my lab I’m in culture all day making tissues while you wait” then it’s obvious Garlick needs to collaborate with Dr. Dre and spin an entire album dedicted to biology.
Garlick is currently at work on a sequel called “I See Cells” , written to the beat of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”, a song about pathology.
I’m sure all of you out there have been made aware of the rumblings regarding a teaser trailer that appeared on Youtube yesterday of a new Mortal Kombat movie. Actually, it’s a short film in the vein of Batman: Dead End that director Kevin Tanchareon has organized in order to sell WB on the idea of a re-imagining of the film series, which has been dormant since Mortal Kombat Annihilation in 1997. So how does the short (it runs almost 8 minutes) hold up?
First order is that it is definitely grim and gritty; and this is what we are handed here with Michael Jai White portraying Jax (remember, the dude who had the metal on his arms) interrogating a suspect regarding several other maniacs. Reptile, Baraka, Shang-Tsung and Sub-Zero (who are seen in photographs, but referenced heavily) are featured in case files, with Johnny Cage and Sonya Blade both put in appearances as well, portrayed by martial arts champion Matt Mullins and sci-fi goddess Jeri Ryan. The main impetus is pushing towards a hard “R”-rating for the film, and let’s face it: R-rated movies have fallen a bit in recent years, particularly grim and violent ones. Imagine what would have happened if The Dark Knight had scored that rating and Nolan kept in all the really cool stuff that inevitably got cut?
Yum Yum eat em up
This definitely does not look like a fanmade trailer (just check out the link at the bottom). As good as Batman: Dead End was, there was still an almost-professional quality to that product but at the same time you could tell the limited budget that Sandy Collora was working with, even though he pulled it off remarkably well. Mortal Kombat Rebirth lives up to its name by presenting the MK universe in a realistic urban setting, taking a cue from the way Christopher Nolan shed the camp qualities of Batman and Robin and reinvigorated the series with Batman Begins and in a major way with The Dark Knight. I grew up with the original MK games and movies, and, when video games were big business in the mid-90s, the first Mortal Kombat was probably the most faithful, and most livened of the video game movies that have come out before or since. But Tancharoen recognized that this isn’t the 90s and what was cool twenty years ago, is pretty ridiculous by the standards set by the new kids coming out of Silicon Valley.
This is just cool just for coolness sake
One fact that does lend credence to the possibility that this trailer is more than a short film: there were plans and even a brief production of a third Mortal Kombat film from several years ago. Titled “Devastation”, it got a lot of press writeup with Linden Ashby (who played Johnny Cage in the original film) and Chris Casamassa (Scorpion in the original) expressing interest in returning to the franchise, along with Robin Shue, probably the only man in the world who could do Liu Kang justice. The last bit of news generated from the Devastation project came from news site Bloody-Disgusting.com in January, when it was reported that Oren Uziel had been tapped to write the script, although Uziel later said in a May interview with G4 that he was not attached to the project, nor had WB contacted him in any way regarding the film.
"Ice" to see you
Are you one of the teeming masses who has yet to see the trailer? Fear not, for you can check it out here at the bottom for all your perusing needs!
I was not cool in high school. There are no pretentions or lies about it; I was a grade-A, scrawny, geeky, nerdy, loser of the highest caliber. If being uncool was a steak, I suspect I’d have been Porterhouse amongst T-bones. But despite being uncool, I can only think of select shenanigans that we (my friends and I) did at school that had little to do with classroom politics. I can tell you an instance where my friend Darby established his own political party because during the 2004 elections, our high school would not allow Ralph Nader (registered as an Independent) to be accepted as a choice in the mock elections. I can also tell you of how I had fingers pointed at me as the Ghostbusters tagger who graffitied the Senior Wall as a prank, when it was another kid upon whom I made a suggestion that Ghostbusters would be much cooler.
These memories flooded back as I sat watching previews for MTV’s return to original programming (but not, unsurprisingly, music videos) with the scripted series “The Hard Times of RJ Berger”. One notable fact to mention right off the bat is that the series is scripted and produced by Katzsmith Productions, the partnership that exists between Dave (son of Jeffrey, as in Paramount) Katzenberg and Seth Grahame-Smith. For all the pop culture afficionados and those of unlikely mashups, Grahame-Smith’s name is not unknown thanks to his works “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” and the recent “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”. According to press releases, both Katzenberg and Grahame-Smith based the series around their own high school experiences, with the intent being to bring back some of that raunhcy, edge-of-your-seat flavor that drove MTV’s classic scripted shows in the Nineties, as well as bringing to the fore some of the taste and flavor of a Judd Apatow comedy. Which brings us back to RJ Berger.
“Nature made me scrawny and weird looking, awkward and pale” intones RJ in the opening introduction (played by Paul Iacano), “But I’m not about to roll over and be nature’s bitch I’m going to beat it.” And literally: RJ is rolled over to one side and is wanking off to an image of a random fantasy warrior woman astride a dragon, before he is interrupted by his mother (portrayed by Beth Littleford). But don’t worry, RJ does get to finish, but not in the way you might think.
On the surface, RJ’s life seems very average: he has a loud-mouthed, sex obsessed best pal Miles (Jared Dauplaise, brilliantly fulfilling the Jonah Hill role here) with an agenda all his own; another best pal, Lilly (played by “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody”‘s Kara Taitz) would like to have sex with RJ, her key line to RJ being “Any time, any where, any orifice”. RJ is a towel boy for his high school’s basketball team, and, like your typically average high school student has his crush, namely on the uber-perfect Jenny Swanson (“The Price is Right”‘s Amber Lancaster). But like any average high school student, his crush is with someone that is a jerk, and Jenny’s jocky boyfriend is Max (played by Jayson Blair). But things take a turn on their own when it is revealed that RJ has an unusually large penis one day at the end of a basketball game.
Much like Jonah Hill would do to Michael Cera, Miles sees this as their “Golden Ticket” (another notable laugh out loud line: Miles is so enamored with RJ’s girth that he wants to kiss it…in a non-gay way), whereas RJ sees his enlarged member as a curse, relating a story that ends with a recurring Godzilla inside-joke, as well as a unique way of displaying flashbacks through animation. The rest of the episode ends with a typical high school party that the boys attend, where RJ manages to get revenge on Max and begins to follow through with the idea of “I’m not nature’s bitch”.
Kids of the Black Hole
With that said, there’s not a whole lot that seperates “The Hard Times of RJ Berger” from the movies that inspired it: both “Porky’s” and “Revenge of the Nerds” were all about geeks, nerds, and losers regaining their lost manhood, and, through shenanigans and hijinks, get one over on their tormentors. Even in clips for future episodes, it seems that the central theme of RJ’s penis has been relegated to a reoccuring inside joke. Which does give the series more opportunity for character development; both RJ and Miles, and even Jenny appear to be fully developed right off the bat, and are filled with personality, but characters such as Lilly and Max tend to come across as stereotypes that, while Judd Apatow did explore such in his TV series, the late “Freaks and Geeks” and sorely missed “Undeclared”, had a special charm that gives the stereotypes a layer of depth that rarely needed improvement.
Interestingly enough, the show does show a lot of heart even if it’s verging on cliched territory here. But it neds a lot of work for it to rise above it’s current status as just another show for teen boys and men who think-with-their-you-know-whats. “The Hard Times of RJ Berger” premiered Sunday, June 6 at 11 p.m. following the MTV Movie Awards. It will slide into a Monday nights at 10 timeslot starting on June 14.
I’m a well known sucker for most things Canadian: one of my favorite hats (lost at the moment) is a copy of Jay’s toque that he wore when Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith cameoed on Degrassi: The Next Generation that says S N O O G A N S, with the Canadian flag above that. And speaking of Degrassi, I’m such a huge fan of the series that I was very giddy when I learned that Amanda Stepto (who portrayed punky Christine “Spike” Nelson on Degrassi Junior High and Degrassi High in the 80s and 90s, and also reprised the character for D:TNG) approved my friend request on Facebook. In Mallrats, Brodie (played by Jason Lee) owns a Degrassi jacket that I’ve always wanted, and even Kevin Smith has said that he was influenced by John Hughes and Degrassi, particularly having a favorite character in Caitlin Ryan.
I was scouring the internet one Monday evening, looking up videos of the Muppets, specifically, Kermit the Frog. Earlier that day, I’d been practicing my Kermit voice (which my friend Evie says sounds a lot like Bill Cosby) and was looking at examples of other people doing the voice that Jim Henson perfected, when I stumbled across a youtube video of a guy in Canada who gues by the username jimsupreme. He’s an artist, writer, and voice actor who did some work for a film called Fantasize.
That’s just to give you an idea of what Canadiangiantess.com is all about.
True to it’s title, the site caters to the fetish of Macrophilia, which, for those at home following the home game, is all about those feelings of being small and helpless in front of a giant. Men have mostly been seen with this fetish, but it wouldn’t be doubtful that there are some women who want to be dominated in this regard as well. Anyway, with CG.com, you’ve got all that…except the fact that the girls are dominating tiny GI Joe and Homies figures…and they’re Canadian.
Apparently everything is big in Canada
The girls are cute from what I can tell. These aren’t just garden variety amatuers, there are some on here that I wouldn’t be surprised that have actually done some work elsewhere in other fetish genres.
And as a disclaimer, I don’t have in any way, shape, or form, have an interest in Macrophilia myself.
Just to make that perfectly clear…however that doesn’t mean I won’t share something for the closet perverts out there.
It’s been reported for the last several years that Dimension has been wanting to restart their dormant Scream series with a fourth entry that would provide a new trilogy for the character Ghostface, first seen in the now-classic 1997 original that starred Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, and David Arquette. Alongside these returning actors, several names have been tossed around as potential fodder for Ghostface to wreck havoc on: Ashley Greene (best known for portraying Alice Cullen in the Twilight franchise), Hayden Panettiere (“Claire Bennett” on Heroes), and Rory Culkin (You Can Count on Me) have all been in talks for starring in the upcoming Scre4m (or Scream 4) that is also confirmed to be helmed by the original creative team of Kevin Williamson and legendary director Wes Craven.
However, aside from definite confirmation of the crew behind the project and the return of Campbell and the Arquettes, the only solid peice of casting news has been reported by Entertainment Weekly, with Emma Roberts (Nancy Drew) being confirmed today for the role of Jill Kessler, cousin to Sidney Prescott (Campbell). Details are still being sketched out as the film gears up for production, with the Weinstein Company look for a release date of April 15, 2011. Jamie Kennedy, who appeared in Scream, Scream 2, and a cameo in Scream 3, was also rumored to reprise his role as film geek Randy Meeks, despite being killed off in Scream 2.
I remember sitting in 5th period Journalism in high school, in the back corner with Darby and Thomas and we were discussing slasher villains. It was joked that of the big three (Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, and Freddy Krueger), Jason would be a metalhead, Freddy’d be into disco, and Michael would be the sophisticate, with his smoking jacket and fez hat shaking his head at the children he gave birth to. I also remember the end of Jason Goes to Hell vividly; it’s the one where it was revealed that this whole time, Jason Voorhees was the product of some demon worm, for those playing the home game. Anyway, at the end of the film, when all is said and done and Jason has been dispatched for the last time (until Jason X), Freddy Krueger’s gloved knife hand pops up out of the ground and, laughing maniacally, grabs Jason’s mask, bringing it down to hell with him. Along with several references to Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead series, this set the peice for not just 2003’s Freddy vs. Jason, but also the immensely popular Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash comic books from Wildstorm, Dynamite Entertainment, and DC Comics.
What does all of that mean? It means that the stuff nightmares are made of, Freddy, Jason, along with Chucky (Child’s Play), Ghostface (Scream), Michael Myers (Halloween), Ash Williams (Evil Dead/Army of Darkness), Pinhead (Hellraiser), that fiend Dr. Herbert West (Re-Animator) and more come together in a PC-fan game entitled “Terrordrome: Rise of the Bogeymen”. The game’s creators, HUR4C4N, Fabien Rixens, and Mike Tibo, have brought together some of the biggest names names in horror for a Mortal Kombat/Street Fighter style one-on-one fighter (using an engine that looks similar to the polygonal one used for Mortal Kombat 4). In a nod that could only come from fans of the old MK games, the announcer either appears to be an appropriation of the one that shouts “FIGHT!” or it is the same guy.
Is it 1984 yet?
Terrordrome is populated with all your usual fighter moves: grab, punch, kick, and dodge, and also throws in some special goodies that hark back to specific scenes from the films the characters come from. What this means, according to the game’s creators, is that if “You’re an unconditional fan of Japanimation style video game, pose to pose animated characters, and epileptical moves happening in the blink of an eye, you may not be seduced by Terrordrome. The game is more about realistic characters and animations with even more violent and lethal moves than any ninja or karate master!“: in the case of Ash, who is designed according to his classic Army of Darkness look, you have moves that allow him to open up the Necronomicon for Spell (down, right, K), another for use of his shotgun (down, right, S), which can also be augmented with an air shotgun move using the same combination. Sadly, I was not able to use much of Ash’s chainsaw when I was playing, but I am looking in the future to figure out a combo for it so that I could. Leatherface, however, is able to use his fully functional chainsaw for all moves, including the Thunder Saw, which provides some devastating damage that allowed me to dispatch Freddy before he went wormy on me. Each level is also a specific scene from the killers movies, allowing you to chose where you want to do battle. We’ve got Crystal Lake, Elm Street, even the old Myers place in Haddonfield puts in an appearance.
Good, evil, undead, it don't matter, as long as I'm the guy with the gun
What also makes the game ideal, besides the plethora of slasher/serial killer legends, is that the game is free for download. Yes, that means that all it takes is just the click of a button, cleaning out the 4gb’s of porn that you probably have to make room, and then downloading Terrordome to start enacting all the ideas you’ve written down for fanfictions; wanna have Maniac Cop take on Candyman? It can happen. Jason in his many different looks beat the crap out of Chucky? You got it. While there is no definite storyline, it’s probably appropriate; I mean, what slasher film has ever had a clear, cleanly defined storyline in their series? After all, Jason’s made it through ten sequels and a remake without anyone knowing what the heck’s going on. In effect, by taking out that pesky element, that leaves the gorehound to sit back and enjoy the fights without anything in between.
Shapes and Masks
Check out the game site for more news and for the free download. Not sold yet on whether you wanna play? Take a look at the bottom for a sample clip.
Batman's gonna pet this pussy (cue audience "booooo")
The idea of comic books and adult entertainment is as old as the medium itself. Do you think that your favorite superheroes were innocent back then? Well, maybe after the 1950s they were for a while, but in the early days, there was a lot of kinkiness hidden in the most subtle contexts of numerous titles…one that immediatley comes to mind is Wonder Woman under William Moulton Marston and her legendary penchant for bondage and domination. And then there’s the art of Greg Land, whom I did not notice before until I read this article that Land has a dirty, dirty…pencil. But that’s another subject for another blog.
On May 10, it was announced the one of the biggest distributors of adult entertainment, Vivid, has launched a superhero pornographic imprint called Vivid-Superhero and they are looking specifically at the stable of heroes that populate the universes of Marvel and DC, but they are also looking at the non Marvel/DC character the Green Hornet for parody purposes.
“The parodies under this new imprint will pay tribute to the world’s most popular comic heroes,” said Steven Hirsch, Founder/Co-chairman of Vivid. “[Lead Director] Axel [Braun] already started pre-production on a parody of Superman, which will be followed by those of The Green Hornet, Spider-Man, Wonder Woman, Captain America,Thor, and The Incredible Hulk. We made the decision to create the imprint after working with Axel on “Batman XXX: A Porn Parody“, an Axel Braun Productions movie to be distributed by Vivid. Axel truly did an amazing job with it, and we agreed that together we could mine the really rich treasure of superheroes and have a lot of fun doing it”
Previously there was a notable Spider-Man porn parody in the form of the softcore, Cinemax feature “Spiderbabe”, starring Misty Mundae in the title role (that had so-so production values and a humorous switch on the Raimi plot), but this is the first time that a large adult company has decided to take on some of the big names from the big two of Marvel and DC. Out the gate first, as mentioned in the above press release, is “Batman XXX”, of which there have been two trailers released so far, and, from what I can tell, Vivid definitely has spared no expense in this venture.
One of the first things I noticed in the trailer (there are two, by the way, both posted at the bottom of this article) is that this is probably one of the most faithful parodies I’ve ever seen. From the outset of the first trailer, it shows that Vivid did not pussyfoot around when it came to creating the look and feel of the Adam West 1966 Batman television show. There is a rumor (unsubstantiated as of yet) that some of the original costume designers from the show did work on this parody and it shows in the below picture of Evan Stone as the Riddler…if he’ll even be called that. Interestingly enough, while Vivid was able to get the rights to likenesses for use in this parody, this did not extend to the famous iconography of Batman (portrayed by Dale Dabone) and Robin (brilliantly cast James Deen) who are now sporting XXX’s and X’s in place of their famous logos.
Riddle me this, riddle me that: What weighs 500 pounds and flies?
Also starring Tori Black, Lexi Belle, and porn legend Randy Spears channeling Cesare Romero as the Joker, the parody also looks to be adding the original 1966 Batmobile along with the famous “red phone” , wall gags, and….well, you’ll just have to check out the trailers for good measure.
Both are safe for work, by the way. Sit back and do the Batusi while you’re at it.
It’s taken me a few weeks to really become acclamated to the warmth of the sun that is summer. I’m not particuarly fond of it, or it’s sister, spring, but live in it I do. It usually means intense heat, pollen and dust aggravating my sinuses, working ten hour doubles, and worrying about the upcoming Fall semester. It’s interesting to denote, however, that it never used to be that way, that somewhere along the way I lost track of summertime funtime, and became jaded to the inherent fun a lot of my cohorts see in it.
Driving to work Sunday morning, it was already warm; my uniform Target consists of nothing but a plain red shirt, khaki pants, and a name tag that displays my name. Over the near two-years I’ve been employed there, I’ve tried to break up this visual monotony; recently I added upon my lapel the Ghostbusters logo. But this was the furthest from my mind as I crossed Fir and began to make my way towards Jasmine, where on my right was the Flash Foods store, already buzzing with business this early. And to my left was the Cinema 7, the only theater in a town and the only bastion of entertainment that we have left. As I sat at the red light, I quickly scanned through the lineup: Shrek 4, Robin Hood, Date Night, and Letters to Juliet sounded appealing. But then my eyes fell upon the words “Eclipse–On Sale”. It had crept up on me that the next film in the Twilight Saga was already upon me…and I had not even seen New Moon yet. I’d declined the offer to go see it during Winter break because I had no interest to revisit that part of my life (not to mention the offer came from an individual I had issues with and was not looking forward to being the butt of jokes), but I knew that I was going to see Eclipse, for the very large fact that we would be seeing the Quileute werewolves in all their hair. It is a rich bias, but I have always had an inclination towards werewolves insamuch as movie monsters go.
But only because I understood the subtle tragedies of feeling as though I were different on the inside than out that I was ever able to truly appreciate that feeling of being other.
When I was growing up, I looked forward to summer vacation; not for going outside, due to the fact that I was consistently sick as a child, but because my mother allowed myself and my younger brother to stay up late at night. This meant that on weekdays, I could be up for hours in the evening looking through the channels for something to watch. I don’t know what it was, it may have been getting the Monsters series of the Real Ghostbusters toyline that did it, or maybe it had to do with seeing the box art for the re-released Universal Monsters on VHS, but I was always on the lookout for the original movies. I became pretty good at sitting in front of my grandfather’s television at the old Previews channel and watching those boxes go up the screen. Occasionally my eyes would drift to something like “Weird Science” or “The Breakfast Club” and around 2:00 p.m. I’d switch over to Fox for Disney Afternoon. But I never gave up the hope of looking for those old horror movies, but it wasn’t until we moved around the corner to our house did I see my first classic scary movie. I can’t tell you what channel I eventually found it on…but I do remember it being a Friday night in October, my brother and mother were asleep and with the volume down low I switched over to a film I’d heard about on the news and read about in school…1981’s An American Werewolf in London.
A decade on, An American Werewolf in London still tends to send shivers down my spine due to that transformation sequence; I didn’t see the original Wolf Man (with Lon Chaney, Jr.) until high school, so this was my childhood exposure to seeing a realistic enough portrayal of a man transforming into a wolf. In hindsight, the sequence might look a little dated since we’ve expanded past Jim Henson style animatronics, but man….staying up at 2 a.m. and watching that at the age of 8, I held my breath as I saw David Naughton’s bones crack, break, and shift into his feral form as he screamed in agony, with Sam Cooke’s version of “Blue Moon” (along with the Marcels and Bobby Vinton’s) being used in this sequence that it, along with “Mr. Sandman” still rank as one of the unlikeliest creepy songs.
I didn’t really have a lot of close friends until around middle school; in hindsight that is probably my own doing as I didn’t know how to relate to anybody in any of the classes I had. I would mostly sit out of recess and read near the swings while everyone else played and this went the same way until around the end of 5th grade, when I began forging the group that have remained, for the most part, in my life for almost twenty years. We’re not as close now as we were five years ago, but even though we’ve splintered somewhat, there are still indelible trademarks that have remained the same. We were all geeks and misfits in a way, though I’d never say we were ever Goths or “Spooky Kids”. We were just a bunch of kids who did their own thing different from everyone else and in a way, that mindset has still remained the same even when we’re older. For instance, if not for Darby Nickless, I probably wouldn’t say I do a lot of things or go a lot of places without his push. But even so, even he was one to deride some of my habits back then. Even though I was technically the oldest, I was still enamored by childish hobbies, and among my group, I was probably the only one who truly enjoyed watching Big Wolf on Campus.
From a memory standpoint, no episode stands out, except that I liked the show enough to watch all 65 episodes. Maybe if they ever come out with a big DVD box set of the show will I ever remember why I liked it; the production values were low, even by Canadian standards, and the stories (from what i can recall) were even lower, but had a low-brow Three Stooges kind of feel to them. But that didn’t really matter in the long run. Even though I continued to watch the show, I found myself moving on into high school, and the shocking idea that maybe it was vastly uncool to still keep talking about Ghostbusters and He-Man and comic books. I’d stopped playing with toys around ’98, and had lost nearly all of my original Ghostbusters items (save Ray, whom I had kept in a spare shoebox that I discovered again at my grandfather’s years later) in a mass purge. I’d changed, but what hadn’t was that I was old enough now to start looking at garage sales and used bookstores for the VHS tapes I’d liked looking at so much as a kid. I didn’t worry about a curfew much anymore; whenever the original 1931 Frankenstein was on at 11, I’d be up and watching the Gothic nightmare of someone misunderstood.
A lot of people will speak fondly of their high school experiences: the parties they went to, the games they lost or won, the friends they made, all they women they fucked. I can’t speak for myself in that regard; I kept to myself primarily, eating lunch by myself if Darby was unavailable, or Devin Hughes was somewhere else; I’d find a spot behind the cafeteria, a lonely pair of stairs in front of the loading zone of the cafeteria where I could stretch out and read. I was even more isolated from my main group by Junior year and it was still settling in that I had had failed spectacularly in really making memories in high school. By that time, I had begun moving into a darker mindset, and began to ask questions that I hadn’t really thought of before, and began to denote myself as an Outsider, even when I didn’t have to be. It just seemed all the more comfortable for where I was heading; if I was going to be a monster with my messed up thoughts, why drag someone else down to the windmill to burn with me?
It was Valentine’s Day of ’04, bitterly cold around that time that a lot of students tended to wear scarves to class. I forget how low it was, but I know that when the temperature drops low enough for anyone to simulate smoking, it’s definitely a chilly day. The cafeteria was packed, and even if I had wanted to eat inside, I didn’t feel like sitting next to or across from someone I didn’t have anything in common with. And that was pretty much E V E R Y B O D Y. Heading outside to my secret spot, I ducked really quick so that none of the teaching staff would see me; I could get in trouble for not eating in the designated area. Not serious trouble, but enough to be sent to Brenda Peterson, principle of our high school, instead of Rodeffer, the dean.
Once I knew the coast was clear, I grinned to myself. I had intended to eat my piping hot Red Baron pepperoni pizza and fries, and get down to reading a book I’d brought from home. I no longer remember what book it was, but I’m willing to suspect it was an issue of Fangoria, becauase of what happens next.
I saw her from a distance and recognized her immediatley. She was in my next class, and we didn’t really talk, but I had to admit that I had a faraway schoolboy crush on her. She was also sitting in my spot eating her lunch. The submissive part of me wanted to just turn around and leave her there; I’d never been very good at confrontation and, logically, she was there and where would she go if I made her move? But then logical thought was flawed; I was there first, had been since last August. I was owed that place dammit.
I have an unusual way of walking: I rarely make noise. She did not hear me as I crept up on her. I could see that she was engrossed in a book, which I surmised to be for our class. “Hey.” 300 years of the English language comes down to one syllable. She looked up at me, and her blue eyes became wide with the momentary startle I had given her.
I’d often thought about what it would be like to have a girlfriend. The first real crush I had was a girl named Erika, who was a Beatles fan. Perhaps that is indicative of girls I’ve liked; they were all fans of the Beatles. With this girl in front of me, I forced myself to make conversation: shop talk about our class, school, until she noticed the magazine tucked in my arm. “What’s that?” she asked. I told her; she grinned. I did not realize she liked the old horror classics, and was too a fan of horror movies. I asked her what her favorite was. “The Howling” she answered.
We stayed friends until June, when she moved to California. I haven’t heard from her since. We never got to be boyfriend/girlfriend, and part of me wonders if I was even mentally mature enough for one. But I’ll retain the memory of her bringing her laptop one day in March and we watched The Howling at what had become “our” secret spot.
Things changed, people change, but the spot hasn’t…and neither has The Howling
In the Spring of this year, I was with Darby when it was decided we should go see The Wolfman, starring Benicio Del Toro. I was no longer living at home at this time, staying in a dorm at Jacksonville, so we hightailed it to Regency Square Mall’s AMC 24. I’d never felt like Jacksonville was my city; I’ve met some great people going to school there, and some have even become friends I want to keep for a long time. But there are others who sour the experience in such an epic way that I looked for any opportunity in my free time to get off campus and not stay around in the dorm watching my other roommate and his fuckbuddy be annoying. I did not like being reminded of how many times I’d failed in moving past the Friend Zone with some of the girls I’ve met at the school. In fairness, I did not have a “get up and go” attitude either; I just saw that “No” blazing red right above their heads before I even said anything to them.
I’d struck up a long-distance friendship with a girl who did not live in Jacksonville, but shared a lot of the same interests I did. It marked one of the rare times that I did not feel like a mutant as I talked to her. I would not meet her until about a month and a half after watching The Wolfman, but back then, our texts were like conversations as we conversed throughout the day. I was really digging her.
Sitting in that darkened theater, we talked until the credits began rolling. The Universal logo rolled before morphing into a moon. There weren’t a lot of people in there with us, and I didn’t care. The plot was slow in building up to the action that everyone wanted to see, but it paid off handsomely. The love story between Talbot and Gwen Conliffe (played by the stunning Emily Blunt) wasn’t as realistically portrayed as it could have been. But the growth of their romance was interesting because here was someone that nobody quite understood trying to overcome his own shortcomings…and being bitten by a werewolf proved to be a vastly large shortcoming. It was a bloody good time. At the end I could hardly wait to tell my friend all about it, so she could see it, and perhaps slyly suggest her to come up to see it with me. That never happend, remaining a consistent fantasy.
We eventually met and things didn’t click as much I was hoping they would. I spent a little while back and forth, wondering what it was that I had done so wrong. I didn’t want to approach the idea that sometimes people just don’t click, but I eventually had to. No matter how much one person matches so well with another, it’s a scary thought that being matched together doesn’t necessarily mean things line up perfectly. And maybe it was all for the best; maybe again I still wasn’t ready for a relationship, and I asked myself when the day would come that I would be able to breathe and not feel frightened at the fact that I’m still vastly immature inside after all.
I don’t think I’ll ever truly stop asking myself questions of who I am and where I’m going. I’ll never be fully satisfied with the person that I am until I have probably found vindication for everything that I’ve done and gone through. I also ask myself why is it that out of all the movies I’ve loved since I was a kid, that it has to be films about people turning monsters that I identify the most with, that tend to have a larger impact on my life than even Ghostbusters has. I don’t think of that as a bad thing; in an ever fluctuating timeline, werewolf movies have remained consistent for me. I don’t think I’ll be able to go into a Blockbuster without my eye immediatley gravitating towards the horror section and my thumbs running down the spines looking for a title that has to deal with lycanthropy.
It makes me wonder that when my wedding day comes, if the cake will have an image of Lon Chaney imprinted on it (providing whoever my spouse will be, is cool with such a thing) or that as I’m getting ready to go to the church I’ll flip through channels and see Werewolf in a Women’s Prison on somewhere.
At least I know I’ll always have something to look forward to in this crazy mad world.
Welcome to Part 2 of my interview with Michele Ivey, best known as the Turtle Girl for her large collection and vast knowledge of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. For Part 1, please check out the previous entry where we discussed her life a bit more.
Now we’ve talked about your origins and different aspects of the fandom, let’s discuss your collection for a minute. What would you say is your favorite piece in your collection that you have and what was the rarest item for you to find?
Rarest piece in my collection… oh that’s a hard one because a lot of my items are rare. I could say the heads from TMNT 3 or the Combat Cold Cuts from TMNT 2… so yeah, Movie props are rare, original comic art is a rare thing.. TMNT merch from Japan and other countries… oh and a 1st print of TMNT #1.
My favorite item in my collection is a tie between my home made Turtle Costume and my Autograph Shirt. The costume has brought me some wonderful memories and have been a big part of my life. The T-Shirt is my project that I started in 2004 that has turned out to be really impressive… filled with autographs from all parts of TMNT History.
The original Playmates line lasted for ten years, and in that time there were many, many figures produced and many more probably unreleased. What was your favorite series of figures and what would you consider the worst vehicle and/or figure that was released?
My favorite series of Turtle Toys goes to the TMNT Movie toys from 1992, those have been a big favorite of mine since they came out.
Worse Turtle toys… that’s a hard one, I like most of the Turtle Toys that came out. I wasn’t to fond of the Toon Turtles, because it was the only set of Channel Six characters we got and they were done up kind of goofy. Wacky Action toys were fun, but sadly they were easy to fall apart. I think the thing that annoyed me most about the toys was making some so that they were rare… to where the kids wanting the toys no matter how they search could not find them.
A good example is Hot Spot and Scratch… when I saw them on the list of Turtle toys I wanted them really bad. More than the Camel, the ant, or the elephant… I wanted the dog and cat. I circled them on my list all the time as the toys I wanted the most. I was a little kid, I wasn’t going after value of the toy I was going after what I liked… but I never did get them as a child. It wasn’t till I was grown up and buying stuff of ebay that I finally got those two in my collection. They sit on display… as a reminder of the toys I tried to find when I was young.
One of the unique things that I loved about the old Turtles line was that there were so many side characters that were exclusive to the toyline like Genghis Frog, Pizzaface, my favorite Ace Duck, and Scratch. Was this helpful for keeping the line going as long as it did or was it simply a matter of cashing in as much on the property as they could?
Heh well I’ll like to say Genghis Frog was in a few episodes of the original series, Ace Duck was from the Archie Comics and is mentioned very briefly in one episode of the original series. Though I know what you mean about toys only for the toy line like Pizzaface, Scratch (which was in a game and now can be found on a shirt), Halfcourt, Sandstorm and many others. These were made to cash in on the hype.
Do you think it’s interesting that there were so many variants of the main four but after 1988 they never reissued plain classic versions of the Turtles until the startup of the 4kids series?
They did have plain Turtles coming out all the time… the first set, the TMNT Movie 2 Toys, the Action Turtles, The Next Mutation toy line, the 4Kids series, the TMNT 2007 movie. Always saw them around, I was tired of how many sets of Turtles we got when I wanted toys of characters like Tatsu and Keno. Ninjara would of been an awesome toy, instead I have the new version of Clown Michaelangelo.
Venus de Milo has a polarizing effect on the Turtles franchise to this very day, and yet when I looked back on things, the same cannot be said Mona Lisa, who only ever had one figure and that one appearance on the cartoon and yet there’s not a lot of negative criticism about her in the same way there is for Venus. What’s your feelings on Mona Lisa?
Mona Lisa was a very fun character, and by her not being a Turtle it was ok with a lot of people for her to be in the series. She had a spark to her that when I saw that episode I wanted to see more of her in the series. I was really disappointed that she was only in one episode… Though if I have to pick who makes a better girlfriend for Raphael, I go with Ninjara. She’s my favorite female character in the TMNT History.
In either the Mirage or Archie Comics or Image runs, what would you say are the five best stories?
Five best stories from TMNT comics… ok here we go counting down to my favorite.
* 5 * “I, Monster” the original Rat King story in tales of TMNT. Very interesting comic and I love how it turned out.
*4* Image is hard because they all tie in together, but I’m going to go with the Michaelangelo story line of loosing Shadow and because of this Raphael deals with the Foot, which all leads up to Raphael becoming the new Shredder. Image did a great job and was willing to push our limits to see how far they could go.
*3* “Twlight of the ring” in the Mirage TMNT volume #1. This issue is great, the art is different but totally works for it, and it’s a story based around Donatello. Really interesting, and fun. It’s been one of my favorite Mirage comics for a long time now.
*2* “Blight sight” issue #59 of the Archie Comics. A wonderful Michaelangelo story, about him being caught by the Government. It is where the Turtles come public in the Archie Comics. Great art, great writing and all around awesome story!
*1* Mirage #1, Volume 1. This story means so much to me that it remains my favorite. We get to know Shredder in away you don’t get to see him in any other story. You get to see the Turtles as they were meant to be. And learn the true reason why Splinter taught them to be Ninjas. This issue done by Eastman and Laird is a master piece which I will forever encourage people to read.
You’ve mentioned it several times, so now it’s time to really go to town about it: Cowabunga Corner, what do you expect to get across with it, and would you like to tell viewers about what they can expect in future episodes.
Cowabunga Corner, the video blog where I come out to tell my real stories. The things that have not made it into any interview, show, or even message boards. I plan to show video and photos through my life and fandom. Starting off real heavy with the Turtle stories since that’s what people come to see, but I do want to go into other parts of my life. Like about RSD, what is it and why it’s changed my life. Also talk about my family members, friends and pets.
People see me as the Turtle girl, but do they really know why I’m the Turtle girl? Not if they watched VH1’s “Totally Obsessed”, or many of the other stories out there about me. They see a girl with a collection… and the think the obsession is about the collection, but really for me the fandom comes before the collection. I wouldn’t have all of this stuff if it didn’t mean something to me. I’m a Ninja Turtle fan, who’s done a lot of crazy things and I like to share my stories.
Coming up on Cowabunga Corner, home footage from the set of Ninja Turtles : The Next Mutation, more video from Party Turtle gigs, home video taken during the filming of “Totally Obsessed”, interviews with TMNT guests, interviews with fellow TMNT fans, reviews of episodes, comics, movies, toys and more. I hope everyone enjoy all that this blog will have to offer. 🙂
We look forward to everything that you’re going to be doing in the future. Is there anything that the fandom has taught you that you wish to say to other people, even if they’re fans of other things?
I’ve learned through fandom that just because a group of people like the same thing, doesn’t mean we’ll all get along all the time, though it doesn’t make us a worse or better fan if we don’t get along with everyone all the time. I’ve got a lot of good friends in and out of the fandom… but I’ve watched some of my good friends leave the fandom because they didn’t get along with others who are in the fandom.
I don’t think anyone should let the fandom affect how they feel about the things they enjoy, be it Turtles, Star Trek, Venture Brothers, or any other thing out there. We’re all human, and have the right to enjoy what makes us happy. As long as we’re not hurting anyone.
One very important lesson is that there is no “Best fan” We’re all great fans for taking part in the fandom and supporting what we love. The thing that hurts the fandom the most is people challenging each other for the top spots. I did not become a fan to compete for being the best, I became a fan because I like what I see and collect. That’s what makes a fan. If we could loose the “I’m better than you” or “I got more than you” games… the fandom would be a happier place.
Your life has been impacted so much by a lot of people, not just connected with the Turtles. Is there anybody that you want to personally thank?
There’s a handful of people who deserve Thanks for the way my life has been. Most of all would be my mom and Grandma. Through all times in my life, good and bad, they have always been there for me. My Grandma was someone who never let me down and gave me a lot of wonderful memories. She encourage me and helped me so much I could never say Thanks enough!
I’ll like to Thank Eastman and Laird, for creating the Turtles and giving me a hero on TV that I could understand and inspired me to stand up for myself even though I didn’t have super powers or enough money to make myself a bat belt with all those gadgets. I’ll also like to Thank David Wise, for writing the original cartoon and giving the Turtles the personalities we know them for to this day.
I’ll like to thanks Jim Henson, who sadly I never got the chance to meet, for inspiring my dad to build costumes and inspiring me to wear costumes and work puppets, he was a master and my favorite artist.
There’s so many more people who deserve Thanks, as no matter who you are a lot of people can touch and you and change your life. There’s never only one person who helped… it’s a group effort ([;{-)
Thank you for taking the time to discuss your life, the fandom, and all things Turtles with those of us who still have fond memories of the series.
Anytime, I enjoy getting to spend time talking to Turtles and getting to know fellow fans. For I myself, am only another fan *G*
Earlier last week I had the distinctive pleasure of sitting down and talking with Michele Ivey, who is best known around the media for being one of the biggest fans of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. If you’ve never heard of her, I recommend checking out her Youtube blog Cowabunga Corner for a little bit more about her life than any interview could potentially delve into. Michele has been collecting TMNT merchandise for the last twenty years and has amassed over 500 peices related to the franchise. In addition, she has met and interacted with many names related to the franchise, from creators Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman, to writers and artists such as Ryan Brown and Stan Sakai, to voice actors such as Michael Sinterklaas and Townshend Coleman, to those involved with the live-action franchise. During the course of our talks, she revealed a vast knowledge of the franchise that restored dormant memories, for me at least, of Saturday mornings and racing with my brother the Party Wagon vs. the Ecto-1. Check out the links at the end of the interview for other media related to Michele.
Thank you for taking the time and sitting here with me. Please state your name for all those not familiar with who you are and where you’re from
I’m Michele Ivey, from Ferndale, Michigan.
Now, you’re known across the internet and assorted media for being “Turtle Girl”, the big fangirl for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. You’ve probably told this story numerous times, but how did you come into becoming a fan of TMNT?
Back in October 1989 my brother and I went down the street to one of his friend’s. While there we were going to play toys, so the boy brought out a tin of toys Ghostbusters, He-Man & Thunder Cats. There was one weird toy in the tin, it was a Turtle with an orange mask and a belt with some loops on the back holding four weapons. I thought it was the coolest toy and insisted to play with that one.
The next week my brother came in while I was watching Chip & Dale’s Rescue Rangers and changed the channel on me over to Ninja Turtles. I was upset at first, but he reminded me that Chip & Dale was a rerun, and to try something new. The episode was “A Thing About Rats”. It did not take long for me to find I was hooked to this new TV series.
That year for Christmas I got all of the Turtle toys that was on the market besides for Rat King and Baxter Stockman (which we hunted for till we found at a store called “Children Palace”). In 1990 I was nick named Turtle Girl at my school, so Turtle Girl is a name I’ve had for 20 years now.
I understand that you had a hard school life. Would you like to elaborate on that for a bit?
School was very hard for me. When I started School there was a boy in my class who decided he did not like me, he got his friends not to like me, they got their friends and they got their older sisters and brothers to all hate me. I had only 2 friends, I didn’t let it trouble me that other kids picked on me… I was a normal girl for my age into Little Pony’s and Care Bears. In 1st grade one of my friend’s stopped being my friend which brought me down to one friend. By 3rd grade that friend left and I was alone.
3rd Grade was also when the fighting started, 15 to 30 kids would gang up on me at a time. I would curl up on the ground and let them beat me up. I never wanted to hurt anyone, so fighting back was not an option no matter what they did to me. From 3rd to 5th grade the fights kept getting worse… I was thrown in front of cars on busy roads, pushed into an iron poll so hard I needed stitches in my forehead, and the police were even breaking up fights. When asked why they were doing this, the kids reply would be “Because my friends are”. At school if we had a sub I would be pulled out of the class with a black eye, bloody nose or fat lip.
School was hard, though I had a great home life to make up for all the problems there. I learned a lot as a child, how to read people, how to not put all of my trust into anyone to fast, and how to be a good friend to anyone who wanted or needed a friend. I don’t hold any grudges against those who hurt me, while yes I will never make friends with any of them, at the same time I don’t wish them any harm.
In 6th Grade my mom put me into another school for the year, best school year of my life, though in 7th grade I had to go to Jr. High with the same kids that use to attack me. To end the fighting my mom put me into Karate, I had a few fights after getting into Karate and I’m very happy to say not me or any of the kids I had to fight were hurt. Just scared them enough to realize the fight was over before it started.
The kids never changed though, as never stopped picking on me all the way through High School. I did make some friends in Jr. High and High School who I am still friend’s with to this day. I don’t see anyone else from school anymore as I’ve been out of school since the mid 90’s.
On the episode of VH-1’s “Totally Obsessed”, I remember your parents being depicted as not quite understanding your hobby; however “Fanatical” shows that they were very supportive and nurturing of TMNT. Did they hold the same interest in TMNT as you do and what extent did they have with helping you develop this passion?
My mom and dad have always been there for me. I’m very close with my family, my mom is even a fellow Turtle fan as she has her own collection. My dad got more into it, in 2000 when he saw the good I was doing with it, as I held a booth at a convention which brought in over 50 Turtle fans from across the country. Though my dad’s sense of humor is the sarcastic type… which is why VH1 got that line out of my dad, they interviewed them for over 2 hours and that was the only line they used because the rest of what my folks said was very positive.
My dad is a bit of a celeb himself, as he works on TV shows and such in the Detroit area. Back in the late 70’s through the early 80’s he worked on a TV show known as the Ghoul Show, some of the golfers on that show have made it big like Bruce Campbell and Sam Rami. Now my dad works on a show called Wolfman Mac’s Chiller Drive In that is on RTV Saturday nights at 10pm.
My mom is one of the back bones of my fandom. She’s always been there for me, and being a fan herself she’s enjoyed all of the events as much as I have. From going to Chicago to see the Tours at Six Flags Great America, to driving to Northampton Mass for the parties at the Words & Pictures Museum. In the last 10 years she has not gotten to travel as much with me, as her health has been harder on her. Though she’s still very supportive of me going out to do what I enjoy.
Your dad does some amazing work, I looked up the Wolfman Mac series. Hopefully it airs here in Jacksonville on WAWSD, since we get RTV as well. The Michaelangelo costume is definitely interesting to beheld, and while I’m not sure if anyone’s ever asked you this, but have you retired it now that you’re older or do you still bring it down from time to time for special occasions and the like?
My costume got retired in 2004 after I got an injury at work, and am no longer able to wear my costume. Though I am going through surgery to be able to wear costumes again I am hoping to make a new one instead of using the old one.
Conventions are very amazing places to be, I love interacting with other fans and meeting collectors and even wheeling and dealing for new pieces to my own collection. What would you say has been your most memorable con experience?
I go to so many conventions and do so many amazing things, even this last weekend was pretty awesome as I got to hang out with some very cool people. To choose one event out of all these cons. Here’s a few good ones…
Motor City Comic Con 2000: Nick named Turtle Con 2000 to fans who came for the booth that I held, we had Tokka, another well known fan come in and he played Bebop. There was around 50 fans that came in total and gave us a wonderful weekend of hanging out and talking Turtles.
Anime Next 2003: An insane weekend, my first trip out of state driving without my mom with me. A friend and I went to this convention, only saw two panels… only went through two autograph lines before having to come home for work… but during that time got to meet the voices of Michelangelo and Leonardo from the 4Kids series. There first time seeing me in costume can be found on my youtube channel.
Toronto Fan Expo 2004: When I got to meet Scott McNeil, he called me to the front of the panel room to show my Bonesteel action figure than told the story behind the toy for everyone to hear.
Anime Vegas 2005: An insane panel of 30 Voice Actors, and Michael S (4Kids Leonardo) pointed me during the panel… a fun and crazy time.
It’s really hard to say which conventions are my favorite or to even get into the full detail of the ways… since I love so many of these conventions… they’ve been so good to me. I do post convention reviews with photos for every convention on http://www.tmnt-l.com/
Over the last few years, the media has definitely picked up on the fact that fandom is a big thing. It’s gotten to where it’s seemingly cool to be a geek and a fanboy, but sometimes this has been to where media outlets such as MTV and VH1 have turned such depictions into an episode of Freaks and Geeks, case in point your appearance on Totally Obsessed and the more recent True Life: I’m a Fanboy (along with earlier I’m A Gamer), do you feel that as much as we see t-shirts proclaiming geekdom and retro shirts showing Ghostbusters and TMNT on the shirts as well, that there is still a certain negative stigma connected with being a fan even now?
Fandom has always been a roller coaster with media… either made to look good or to look crazy. The thing is we’re in a world where everyone is different and see things differently, a lot of people out there feel that if adults are spending all their times with toys or cartoons, that they’re not grown up or there’s something wrong with them. So media finds this as a sale point and do their shows to make fans look crazy. Than there’s the people in media who are fellow fans and want to fix that, so they try to get the real story out. It goes into a circle of different views… in away it keeps things interesting though the main thing for people to know is that it doesn’t matter what everyone thinks, all that matters is that you’re enjoying your life, not hurting anyone and living up to your responsibilities.
One of the big lessons I learned in school was to laugh at those who are wasting their time picking on me, than I go on with what I’m doing… for it does not matter to me who they are, where they’re from, or what they do. If bored I might reply and toy around, but usually I got a lot more important things to do than to play games with people who are not going to truly affect my life.
Growing up, were you ever into other comics or cartoons such as Ghostbusters, Superman, Batman, or X-Men?
I’ve always been more of a cartoon fan than a comic fan, the only comic books I keep up with have Ninja Turtles in them. Though I still love all of the cartoons that I loved as a child. I watched and collected, He-Man, ThunderCats and Ghostbusters.
I still watch a lot of cartoons, Nicktoons, Cartoon Network and Toon Disney are some of my main channels to watch, for shows like Fullmetal Alchemist, Venture Brothers, Avatar the Last Air Bender, Gargoyles. Cartoons are fun, a lot of work are put into them and it helps lighten the load of all of the serious stuff going on in life.
As another kid who grew up on the 1987 TMNT series, I was disappointed with how they were depicted in “Turtles Forever”. But I’ve heard a story that the reason why they were treated as clown-like and incompetent was that Kevin Eastman has a long-standing hatred of the old series and thus wanted to ream it as much as he could, due to the fact that he did not have as much control over that series as he did on the 4kids one. Do you think that this is true?
Kevin Eastman had nothing to do with “Turtles Forever”, he sold his rights to Peter Laird, the other creator. While Peter wasn’t a huge fan of the original series I don’t think him or anyone else behind the Ninja Turtles would ever do something out of hatred. If you ever get to meet them, they’re all real nice guys very light hearted and the only area that they’ve shown real disappointment with was the Next Mutation. So I know that none of what you heard there is true.
I’ve done a video blog about “Turtles Forever” where I mention that while it’s true that the original series Turtles were treated goofy, it was a new set of writers handling them that I don’t think did a lot of research, they just went off of the general reaction towards the old series. And they did give a lot of nods to the original turtles on progressing the story, Donatello played a big role in solving their problems.
To be totally honest I think they wanted to pick on all of the group of Turtles in this and do it as one big nod to the guys. I mean look how the Mirage Turtles treated the 4Kids Turtles, and how the easy Mirage Shredder fell. It was all a circle of joking around and having fun. Just a lot of fans are being too serious about it. I really enjoyed Turtles Forever all the way through.
Be sure to tune into Part 2 of this interview on Wednesday, where we’ll discuss Michele’s legendary collection, “Cowabunga Corner” and future plans for that, and other goodies in store. Big thanks to Michele for taking the time to speak with me, and for more about her and her life as “Turtle Girl”, check out her Youtube page for a healthy dose of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles nostalgia.
For more Cowabunga Corner, as well as Michele’s numerous other media appearances, check out: Michele Ivey\’s Youtube
But, if you care for a sampling, watch Cowabunga Corner #8, where Michele discusses the history of the 2003 4kids “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” and see for yourself!
The Android's Dungeon 